The Weasel : He is Boring When Driving

Let's start with some good old-fashioned character assassination. It isn't big or clever but sadly it is necessary.

How boring he is is too big for just one post, he has such a wide-range of tedious traits.

Here's one:

If you go for a long drive with him you can bet your arse he's been down every road on the route before. And there's an anecdote for every stretch. These anecdotes are not entertaining. For example it might be that once a Tesco lorry was in front of him and he couldn't overtake for seven miles. Oh, what's this: a pub? Him and his stupid mates were thrown out of there in the 80s (his hayday) for

1. complaining the food was too poncey
2. physically abusing someone who appeared to be too poncey
3. being arse-holed and refusing to leave

Type 3 anecdotes are work-related As a telephone cable jointer his work has taken him (by his own admission) EVERYWHERE. So wherever you are in the South of England, he has had to put his cones out, usually with a hangover, and then failed to locate the junction boxes which are there behind that tree, there in someone's garden, there bloody miles away from where it said on the diagram.

Do not get into a car with this man unless you have an ipod. Just grunt "idiots" once a minute and he'll never know you're not listening.